Phil shook his mouse back and forth, the pointer stayed static on the screen. He picked it up and looked under it. The red laser blinded him. Phil sighed. On the wall of the cubicle was a yellowing piece of paper. Halfway down the sheet was the faded number for “Tech Support”. Phil grabbed his phone.
“Tech Support, how may I … shit. Sorry. I mean. Oh no.”
The line went dead.
Phil shook his head. He was too old to deal with this. He redialed.
“Tech Support, Josh speaking, how may I help you?”
“Josh, did you just swear, apologize, and then hang up on me?”
Phil heard a muffled scream and the line went dead.
“Tech Support, Josh speaking, how may I help you?”
“Good Afternoon Josh, I’m having an issue. My mouse isn’t working. I probably just need a new one. I was hoping you could write me a ticket so I could get a new one.”
Phil heard the last thing he wanted to hear, a binder opening.
“Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention. Maybe I ask who is on the line?”
“Phil."
“I am very sorry you are experiencing this Phil. Let’s go through a few things to see if we can’t fix this issue.”
Phil slammed his head against his desk. A brown haired woman popped up in the next cubicle.
“Something wrong Phil?”
“I’m 45 years old and I’m troubleshooting my broken mouse with a teenager.”
“Sorry. I’d give you mine … but I need it.”
“Thanks Phyllis.”
Phil put the receiver back up against his ear.
“Did that work?”
“Sorry, no. Unplugging the mouse and plugging it back in did not work.”
“Alright Phil, let’s try power cycling your computer.”
Phil laid his head on his desk and rested the receiver on his ear.
“Restarting now.”
Phil thought a beach. He thought about a bosomy young woman bringing him his third Mai Tai.
“Didn’t work.”
“Alright Phil, let’s try something else. Can you tell me the color of your monitor?”
What?
“Black.”
“Alright Phil, and the laser in your mouse, what color is it?”
“Red.”
“Alright Phil, one last question, if you tap the ‘Start Menu’ key and type ‘c-m-d’ what comes up?”
“Command prompt, Josh.”
“Oh god.”
Phil heard the receiver drop. And then some yelling. Phil heard keys jingling and finally Josh again.
“Phil, I need to get the emergency goat and I'll be right over. Don’t panic buddy.”
The line went dead.
Phil slowly stood and walked over to the divider between him and Phyllis.
“Hey Phyllis?”
Phyllis responded without looking up from her monitor, “Yeah?”
“You heard of an ‘emergency goat’?”
Phyllis stopped typing. “Are you drunk?”
“I don’t think so. I had a beer over the weekend. The chance it’s still with me... would be pretty slim.”
Phil heard the elevator ding, “I think the IT boys are playing a prank on me or something.”
The elevator door opened. A young man stepped out. He had completely sweat through the yellow polo he was wearing. In one hand was a leash and attached to the other end was a goat. Under the other arm was a red binder.
“Phil?! I need Phil! Where are you?!”
Phil looked around and watched twenty heads slowly pop out of their cubicles. Phil sheepishly raised a hand.
Josh ran towards him, pulling the goat along.
“Oh thank god! I was worried I would be too late.”
The boy reached Phil’s desk and handed the leash to Phil. Josh moved the desk chair out of the way and typed on the keyboard.
“You were right Phil. ‘Command Prompt’ is what comes up.”
Josh pushed the keyboard aside and planted the binder on the desk. He turned to a page and read. Josh stuck his hand out and Phil gave him the leash. The boy pulled the goat into the cubicle, kneeled down and put his hand in his pocket. Josh pulled out a pocket knife and opened it.
“I don’t think that’s necessary Josh.”
“It may be my first day, but I can follow instructions. Sorry Phil. It’s very necessary.”
The goat’s throat burst open. Blood covered Phil, Josh and the cubicle.
Once the flood subsided, Josh wiped his face and tried the mouse again. He shook his head and turned the page in the binder.
“Phil, how quickly could you get your first born to the office?"
This was prompted by the following Reddit writing prompt:
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